A year ago today my life was completely different. A year ago I was mad and angry and getting high all the time. We were fighting about everything big and small.. and I finally had enough and moved out.. so there I was in my own place without Adam and the kids. All alone.. I thought that’s what I wanted.. I soon came to realize I was wrong and I fucked everything up so bad there was no going back..
I got lost and I wondered around like a zombie.. kept doing my thing and trying to mask my pain. But most of all numb myself from the reality I had created.. I was good at it. I was good at losing myself. I had made it my life’s mission, every single day.. I did that until March 10, 2017.. that was the day that I was planning on dying.. I was plotting my suicide.. I texted my son the details of me wanting to die and acting on my thoughts. And after that text I shut my phone off. My son had called the cops while my phone was off and reported me. 2 hours later I turn my phone back on and immediately had a cop calling me to find out my location. I agreed to meet him in Henderson at a gas station.
I was terrified as I drove to meet him. When I arrived, there were a half a dozen cop cars and an ambulance waiting for me. They put me in the ambulance and sent me to Henderson Hospital and placed me on suicide watch for 72 hours.. I had to detox there.. and I was monitored the whole stay.. I screamed and cried and threw things. I threw a huge fit.. and was heavily medicated.. after 72 hours they transported me to Seven Hills Mental Health Hospital.. I got to stay there for a fabulous 7 day stay.. It was the scariest place I’ve ever been.. Adam said that when he saw me there my arms were covered in bruises from all the blood they took from me while there.. I barely remember my stay there.
I was heavily medicated there as well. I was a walking zombie at that point.. Seven Hills transported me to Desert Hope Rehab on March 17, 2017.. I did three months total in rehab and IOP.. I completed my program and received my certificate.. and then went to sober living for a little bit.. while I was in sober living , my husband had me served with divorce papers.. as if things couldn’t get any worse, now I’m getting divorced.. I’ll be honest with u, I’ve never even read the divorce papers or signed them.. I still to this day don’t know what was in them.. nor do I care..
We tried to work things out but never really worked on us at that point. We tried but it just wasn’t clicking right and we decided to get out of Vegas. Maybe that was the problem.. so we packed up our house and put it in storage and me and the kids went and stayed with friends in Washington.. while Adam stayed here for work.. and while Washington was a living hell.. I knew Adam would be up there to live the Wednesday after thanksgiving.. and we could get our own place.. and the 4 months there without him was going to pay off soon.. NOPE.. a petty little misunderstanding led to me and the kids HAVING to get on a plane and go back to Vegas on 6 hours notice.. our dream of living in Washington had changed..
Now back in Vegas with Adam and the kids staying with family.. And finally for the first time in a year I am extremely happy.. and finally after 6 months of not having our own home .. we will FINALLY have our own home. Have a deposit on a new home already holding a place.. in the next week and half we move HOME..
MORAL OF MY STORY IS:
DONT DO DRUGS & With Sobriety, life brings changes.. and with the power of prayer and believing in all good.. good does come back around. I had lost my faith awhile back. But I started believing in God again and started to find my faith again .. God and I are on good terms now.. He taught me ITS POSSIBLE TO RETURN FROM ROCK BOTTOM AND TO SHINE MORE THAN EVER.. I never thought I could ever be truly, and genuinely happy in my life. But I was so wrong.. IM TRULY BLESSED AND ITS THE LITTLE THINGS THAT TRULY MEAN THE MOST.. BEYOND GRATEFUL TO THE MAN ABOVE
By Laurel Lovell